Monday, January 30, 2006

The 10 Strip Club Commandments

Strip clubs can be a fun and sexy experience. However, there are some mistakes that many people make when they go. I've compiled a list of dos and (mostly) donts that will make your next visit more enjoyable. So pay attention as I unveil the 10 Strip Club Commandments.

1. Thou Shalt Not Fall in Love With The Strippers
This is a common rookie mistake. The thing to remember is that this is a job for the ladies. Their job is to get as much money from you as possible. Some guys take the sexual attention the wrong way. Just because she says you are cute doesn't mean that she wants to take you home. Dancers would tell Shabba Ranks that he looks like Morris Chesnut to get an extra $20. They are there to dance and that's it. Don't let it go to your head.
2. Thou Shalt Not Spend Your Rent Money
Whenever you go to a strip club, it's a good idea to budget how much you plan to spend. If you can afford $100, that's all you should bring to the club. You don't want to be put out on the street because Desire was shaking her ass in front of you. Porsha is not going to feed your family. And seriously, do you really want to explain to your girl that you can't take her out to eat because Destiny took your last $20? I think not. Be smart about it and don't spend more than you can afford.
3. Thou Shalt Not Touch The Dancer (unless she touches you first)
Some dancers will let you touch. Some dancers wont. A good rule of thumb to follow is to let them take the lead. If a girl is standing 5 feet in front of you, her body language is saying "hands off muhfucka." Then you have the ones that will grind directly on your lap or grab your hands and put them where she wants them. Those are my favorites. Sometimes she will put her breasts near your mouth, but don't fall for that. Do not under any circumstances lick her nipple. That will get you kicked out the club faster than Twista raps.
4. Thou Shalt Not Pay Attention To The DJ
At just about every strip club I've been to, the DJ talks shit. Don't let that affect your good time. While he makes his gay jokes and berates the patrons for not tipping, stay focused on the reason you came: naked ladies. After all, you paid your cover charge and you can do whatever you want. Don't let the fear of embarassment cause you to get pressured into tipping a girl you don't want.
5. Thou Shalt Not Get Drunk
Getting drunk at a strip club is a risky prospect. Firstly, the alcohol may cause you to spend more money than you wanted to. You know what they say about lowered inhibitions. Secondly, if your in an inebriated state, you are far more likely to do something stupid like touch the wrong dancer. You don't want to go that route. Finally, the money that you will spend on drinks could be put to far better use by buying a table dance. Why should you tip fully dressed waitresses and bartenders when you could tip the dancers. I would suggest drinking beer. It costs less than liquor and you have a much greater chance of staying sober.
6. Thou Shalt Not Use Plastic
Another common rookie mistake. Don't bring your credit or debit card into a strip club. All that's going to do is create an electronic trail of your whereabouts. Imagine your wife's surprise when she gets the monthly bill and sees a $500 charge to a strip club. Don't think you'll be out of the doghouse anytime soon. Hit up the ATM before you go the club. It's just smarter and also more fun to use cash. You can't put a credit card reciept in a dancer's G-string like you can with a dollar bill.
7. Thou Shall Pick Wisely
This one is very important. You know what you like. If you like short girls, get one. If you like bg booties, by all means pick that one. Nothing sucks worse than paying for a dance from a girl you are not attracted to. They are going to ask you for a dance, but please listen to Nancy Reagan: Just Say No! And if your dream girl is on the other side of the club, don't settle for the closest thing to you. You will not be satisfied. It also is not a good idea to get a dance from a girl because she reminds you of your girlfriend or wife. You can see that at home, you are paying for a new experience. Once you become a strip club pro like I am, you can spot the girls that are going to dance the freakiest and make sure that's who you pay for. You can also sample a variety of different skin tones and body types without repeating yourself. So pick wisely.
8. Thou Shalt Not Infringe On Your Boy's Dance
One of my pet peeves about strip clubs are guys (or girls) who don't buy their own dances. These characters will sit up in the club all night and not pay for anything. It is well within your right to do this, but if I am spending my hard earned money for a dance, don't stare at the girl like you paid for it. Keep your eyes on the stage; this is my table dance. And please, do not talk to me during my dance. I can't count how many times I've heard "hey man, that girl is bad" while I was getting a dance. I know she's bad, that's how come I'm paying. Leave me alone and get your own dance.
9. Thou Shalt Not Use Your Real Name
No good can come from using your real name. I've seen dudes give out their government name, phone number and place of employment to dancers. Why? This serves no purpose other than to potentially mess up your happy home. Imagine the scenario: Jake is chilling in Lennox Mall with his girl when Chocolate Tiger runs up on him hollering about "Jake when you coming back to the club." If he would have used a fake name, he could have at least chalked the situation up to mistaken identity, but now he's stuck. This also goes for email lists. Don't give them your real email address or you will be getting VIP passes and advertisments for the rest of your natural life. For some reason, you just can't unsubscribe from a strip club's mailing list no matter how hard you try. If you can't tell I have fallen victim to this ploy in the past. Bottom line is this: strippers don't use their real names so why should you?
10 Thou Shall Buy Your Boy A Dance
There are unspoken rules when going to a strip club with a friend. You gotta get him a dance. This is mandatory even if he has more money than you This shows that he is your friend and you will look out for him. The dancer has to be bad too. If you send him a dance from the obligitory ugly girl in the strip club, you are really saying "yeah, you my boy, but I don't really like yo ass." It's a good look to have a banging stripper dancing for you with someone else's money. If you get your boy a dance, and he doesn't do the same for you, cut that cat off, cuz he is a moocher and you're better off going to the club by yourself.

Follow these rules and your next strip club experience can become your best strip club experience. One other thing to remember is that there will be many female customers in the strip club. Usually they are there just to have a good time, and not to find a man. Leave them alone and focus on the girls that you know will be taking their clothes off. If you are looking to meet women, you should check out a regular club. But if you are looking to have a good time in the strip club, follow the 10 Strip Club Commandments.

It was written...

35 Comments:

Blogger nikki said...

hahahaha!

what a great list! i've learned alot. now if i ever find myself in a strip club, i know what to do.

Mon Jan 30, 08:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so when are we gonna go to the club?

Mon Jan 30, 12:39:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Nikki and Anonymous aka buttafly baby:
I'm extending an open invitation to the lovely ladies of the ATL. Anytime you want to hit up Pin Ups just let me know. Just make sure you buy your boy a dance.

Mon Jan 30, 07:50:00 PM  
Blogger That Girl Tam said...

LMAO!!! You are a HOT FUCKIN MESS! HAHAHAHAHAHA...this is the funniest shit I've read in a minute! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Tue Jan 31, 12:56:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Thanks Tam. You gotta respect the rules or you'll get played. Come on back and invite your friends.

Tue Jan 31, 05:37:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Right on point...MY strip club name is "ASIA"........I have gotten lap dances/massages bought for me but all eyes be on me when the ladies dance and I dont like being put on the spot like that....u 2 late though I was pissy drink at the club, I "MADE" some money just dancing adn by the time I left it was all gone.....

Tue Mar 14, 01:40:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Thanks for letting me know the rules, so when you gone get ya girl , ya best friend, me!!, a dance? *lol*

Thu Apr 20, 10:09:00 PM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

I did not realize there were rules, but then again men have rules for some so much weird stuff. Lol.

Wed May 17, 10:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

book club free membership tote

Fri Feb 16, 10:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

11) Thou Shall Bring One Ounce Of Cocaine

You'll get laid. In the words of George Zimmer (founder and CEO of the Men's Warehouse), I GUARANTEE IT.

Wed Mar 28, 11:21:00 PM  
Blogger Opinionated Diva said...

I've seen this list umpteen times - it's still hilarious!

If ever I'm at a strip club...I'll make sure to talk during someone's lap dance...use their complete gov't name...get them drunk and get us kicked out.

Sun May 18, 08:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my, these rules are soo true. well said sir

Sun Jun 15, 05:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I work as a stripper in Tucson, Arizona. I must say that I appreciate your do's and don'ts of strip club etiquette. If all men listened to you, we'd all have a more enjoyable, fun experience. Thanks for this and the respect :)

-Desiree

Thu Jul 24, 06:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good show! I like it.

Thu May 21, 01:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Jon said...

dude, good advice, especially the bit about leaving your card at home, better men than I have fallen victim to this one. control is hard when one of them girls is gettin all freaky on you lol

Sun Aug 23, 06:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about buying drinks for them? I did the other night (it was my first time) and I quickly realized I was the only one buying the girls a drink - was I being an idiot?

Wed Nov 18, 02:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank u :-) you should look at that emo boy one over this blog:
http://www.emo--boys.info

Mon Feb 01, 07:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention a very important detail. The cover charge goes to the club. The girls don't see a single dollar of that. If you're not interested in a girl, don't waste her time. Getting known as a time-waster gets you ignored pretty fast. You want to be known as a guy who knows what he wants and goes for it. Simple. Direct.

Thu Aug 26, 10:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoever wrote this shit is a dumb@$$ you are right we are there to make money and no its not ok to go to a strip club and jus watch and not tip u god dam idiot we. Have faniles and reason to work jus like u would u like it if ur boss said sorry bud I dnt like u no paycheck so sorry that's what I thought

Sat Jun 25, 05:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A club is for guys that have money not brokeasses ain't not dancer gona fuck with a broke mothafukr

Sat Jun 25, 05:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Every person who has never been in a strip joint should follow by these commandments if they know what's good for them.

Sun Jul 10, 02:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Selah Aran said...

I just went to a strip club for the first time the other day, and it was really quite an experience. I learned a lot of the things you wrote while I was there, but god I wish I had known ahead of time
Still, I wrote up a similar post, so check it out!
http://selaharan.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/platinum-diamonds/

Thu Aug 11, 12:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

now what if the wifey is okay with the strip club scene? what if the wife wants to go to the club with you!?

Sun Aug 14, 09:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Christian said...

Don't go for a stripper that comes up to you find one and flash her your money I wad at the club and my friend and I were asked over and over again by the stripper for a dance show the other strippers that you aren't just going for every stripey that addresses you maker her seem like the special stripper who you are going to give your time and money to the dance should be better.

Sun Nov 20, 03:04:00 AM  
Blogger Laluna350z said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Mon Jan 23, 07:27:00 AM  
Blogger Laluna350z said...

Great list but what if you don't have money and a friend of yours insists on going in. And when your in he gets 2 VIP dances for himself and leaves you alone sitting like a pervert with 10$ in your pocket for more than an hour. I mean I would of never do that to anyone even a total stranger that came to a strip club with me. It's simple ether both bros get action or none of the above. It really pisses me off why the fuck did he need me there when his gonna disappear and I'm gonna be sitting alone with no money. And it gets even worst this strippers keep asking me if I want a dance and I have to refuse them one by one even if their extremely cute cuz I have no money and my douche bag friend abandoned me in an ocean with full of hungry sharks. I should of just left his ass there and get out stupid mistake! I would of rather go to my local bar, get a beer and talk to an actual woman that doesn't want money. Fucking traitor friend I don't know what to tell him but I think I'm gonna tell him that his a cheap fucking selfish douche bag!

I think you should add this in your 10 commandments that "Thou shall never abandon your friend who's short on money.

Mon Jan 23, 07:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved it and I'm a dancer :)

Wed May 09, 08:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm A Dancer In Chicago Il And I Shall Do The Smartest Thing To Get My Money (THIS ALL TRUE) But I Tell Mens Have A Shot (They Contiune Taking Shots) I Get Drunk With Em' & Make That $$$$$$$$$ Lbs YOU NOT PAYIN MY BILLS.!

Tue Jul 24, 08:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One thing to add dont go on weekends only on weekdays less people

Sun Dec 02, 07:01:00 AM  
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Sat Jan 26, 12:39:00 PM  
Anonymous bachelorette party md said...

Well written post, these commandments must be the guidelines for strip club.

Tue Apr 30, 02:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention how to get "exras".
I will take the liberty.

Guys if you wanna have a REAL good time:

A-Never go to a chain, high end, or cover charge club.

B-Go during the week, not the weekend or Friday night.

C-Best time is between 12pm & 4pm.

Follow these 3 rules and thank me later.
There are other tricks like what to say, how to tip, to get yourself a happy ending or pole ride, but i dont feel right jacking the thread.

Good luck!!

Tue Apr 30, 09:20:00 PM  
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Sun Jun 02, 10:40:00 PM  
Blogger -V- said...

Hey, strippers get thirsty, too. But the money you spend on that overpriced "lady's drink" would look a lot better between her tits. Sometimes the girls get a cut, sometimes they are required to sell drinks, sometimes it just doesn't matter. As an entertainer, I take that as a signal that you are interested in spending enough time with me to finish my drink before heading to the vip. ;)

Tue Sep 10, 02:19:00 PM  
Blogger -V- said...

Hey, strippers get thirsty, too. But the money you spend on that overpriced "lady's drink" would look a lot better between her tits. Sometimes the girls get a cut, sometimes they are required to sell drinks, sometimes it just doesn't matter. As an entertainer, I take that as a signal that you are interested in spending enough time with me to finish my drink before heading to the vip. ;)

Tue Sep 10, 02:19:00 PM  

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